News & Notes Inside the Week in Film

A Boy Named Litigation

Tom Cruise never sues people except when he sues people.

by Kevin Withers

Tom Cruise gets his fair share of negative press from the tabloids, the newspapers and the Internet.  A handful of times a year, wacky stories emerge about Cruise’s sexuality, his family life (or lack thereof), his affiliation with Scientology, the religion’s strange rituals and the way the top Scientologist’s recruit would-be wives for him.  If it weren’t so bizarre, it would be enough to warrant a “Leave Tom Alone” video on YouTube.

But Cruise doesn’t need Chris Crocker to stand up for him.  Cruise has been a master at shaping the news stories that are printed about him in his own way: he sues people and he threatens to sue even more people.  After claims emerged recently in Life & Style and In Touch Magazines stating that he has abandoned his daughter Suri following his split with his ex-wife, Katie Holmes, Cruise went on the offensive; a $50 million lawsuit was filed against the two publications.

Normally, when a lawsuit is filed involving a celebrity, said celebrity’s lawyer offers a few very generic, ‘justice will be served’ statements.  Cruise’s longtime lawyer, Bertram Fields chose to go down a different road, declaring, “Tom doesn’t go around suing people.  He’s not a litigious guy.  But when these sleaze peddlers try to make money with disgusting lies about his relationship with his child, you bet he’s going to sue.”

Yes, Fields is referencing the same Tom Cruise who has an entire section on his Wikipedia page titled, litigation.

More interestingly still is that Cruise and his attorneys are specifically upset at the fact that the magazines printed that Cruise ‘abandoned’ his daughter.  Stated Fields, “To say [Cruise] has abandoned [Suri] is a vicious lie.”  And where did Life & Style and In Touch get this preposterous idea that Cruise had abandoned Suri?  Well, from the time that Holmes filed for divorce from Cruise on June 16th, Cruise managed to go first 30 days and then 44 days in a row without seeing Suri in person, missing, amongst other things, Suri’s first day of school.   Cruise and Suri did video chat during this time and spoke on the phone repeatedly, but their in person time was minimized.

 

Uma meet Luna; Luna, Uma.

Uma Thurman had a baby and named her… well, it would probably just be easier to tell you what Thurman didn’t name her since the new addition has seven names.

by Chris Neumer

Actress Uma Thurman had a baby girl in July and didn’t reveal her daughter’s name until recently. Thurman deserves a lot of credit for the timing of this release because it’s not in conjunction with anything else. She doesn’t have a movie coming out or a TV show to promote; the baby’s name is the news.

And while it’s debatable about whether the name of Thurman’s child is news (or, more accurately, whether it should be news), it is interesting, whatever you want to call it. Because Thurman’s daughter now has seven different names. Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson.

From my perspective, the most amusing part of the whole situation is that Thurman’s publicist mentioned that the family calls the baby ‘Luna’. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems a tad odd that Thurman gave her child seven total names and then chose not to use any of them, instead referencing her daughter by still yet another name. Why not just throw the name ‘Luna’ into that menagerie and make it easy for all involved?

 

Celebrities Are Just Like You And Me

The whole Uma Thurman baby naming fiasco reminded me of this other celebrity baby naming fiasco from several years back. Welcome to the world of Nakoa-Wolf Manakaupo Namakaeha Momoa.

by Chris Neumer

About the only time that I pick up and peruse gossip rags like US, People and the Enquirer is when I’m standing in line at the grocery store. I enjoy bits of juicy celebrity news just as much as the next person. Unfortunately, as I’m also somewhat in the loop in the film industry, I have a keen eye for spotting blatantly false stories. A fact that substantially lessens the enjoyment that I receive from reading the magazines.

One of my favorite sections is the section in US Magazine where they publish photos of stars doing mundane things under the banner of “They’re just like you!”. This is often because the stars are drinking coffee, spending time with their children or getting gas. There’s also the converse section—the “They’re not like you!” section—but this one is nowhere near as entertaining.

The truth is that celebrities are very rarely like you or me. Forget the fact that both Brad Pitt and I have to occasionally buy paper towels or that George Clooney and I need to eat a couple times of day and sometimes do this at a restaurant, mega-Hollywood stars are generally and genuinely not like you or me. The main difference is something that can’t be highlighted in any photos taken by paparazzi; the difference is in world view and sense of self-worth. Examples of this sometime makes headlines, but not often in a way that screams “They’re not like you!” in a loud enough voice to make people take notice. I was struck by this fact when I recently read that former Cosby Show star Lisa Bonet had her third child and named her newborn Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa.

Bonet is not of Hawaiian or Lycan decent. She is Jewish. Her husband, Jason Momoa, while born in Hawaii, grew up and spent all of his formative years in Iowa. While the uninitiated might assume that the names mean something in Hawaiian—and technically they do—what makes this situation so unique is that they are combinations of upwards of three different words into one. Just imagine having the Hawaiian equivalent of the name “Strongphilosopherlight”.

Bonet is no stranger to off-beat name choices though. In the early ‘90s, she herself changed her name to Lilakoi Moon. Then, in 2007, Bonet and Momoa named their first child Lola Lolani Momoa. In it’s own right, I find this even more bizarre than the Nakoa-Wolf Manakaupo Namakaeha Momoa name. Outside of Joseph Heller novels, who gives their kids essentially the same first and middle names? Can you imagine having your first name be a nickname for your middle name? No. And you know why? Because they’re not like you or me!

 

Wait, What?

While researching the above story on the names of Lisa Bonet’s children, I stumbled across one of the most unusual celebrity rumors I’ve ever encountered.

by Chris Neumer

Remember how I said that Nakoa-Wolf Manakaupo Namakaeha Momoa (NWMNM) was Bonet’s third child? Well, that might not be entirely true. NWMNM could also be Bonet’s fourth child.

In one of the strangest rumors I’ve seen in a while, several different media outlets have reported that Bonet gave birth to a son in 1995, whom she named Desikachar. If this is true, then NWMNM would be Bonet’s fourth child.

It seemed like the kind of story that could have been confirmed at some point in time along the line without much work. It seems like there would have to be either some photos of her pregnant in 1995 or with Desikachar at some point over the course of the last 17 years. However, I can’t find an example of either occurring. Nonetheless, Bonet’s “son” Desikachar is mentioned repeatedly in stories about her.

It’s one thing to have gay rumors floating around (ahem, Ryan Seacrest) and to have some fun with them (because he’s not gay). It’s another thing entirely to have a fake son for seventeen years complete with an unusual and, given the mother’s propensity for offbeat names, the quite plausible moniker of Desikachar and not comment on it. If the kid were named ‘James’ or ‘Fred’, I’d have some trouble buying into this, but Desikachar? He’s either piloting a ship in The Matrix or a child of Lisa Bonet’s.

Worse yet? In an interview, Bonet’s oldest child, Zoe, revealed that it’s rumored that she has TWO other siblings she doesn’t know about.

 

The Photo of the Week

The Confederate States of America

 

The 5 Things I Learned This Week

Fascinatingly true things to broaden your mind

 

1) An entire role of toilet paper can be sucked up by a flushing airplane toilet in less than three seconds.

2) There is an institution of higher learning called Wilburforce University.

3) In Japan, The Fast and the Furious series was called Wild Speed.  There was Wild Speed, Wild Speed X2, Wild Speed X3: Toyko Drift and, my favorite, Wild Speed Max.

4) Ben Affleck once directed a short film called I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney.  Yes, that Ben Affleck.

5) Affleck also co-starred in the film School Ties playing a character named Chesty Smith.

 

 

This Week’s Stories

New Releases

The Campaign

THE PLAYERS: Starring Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, and Jason Sudeikis; written by Chris Henchy and Shawn Harwell; directed by Jay Roach;  Released by Warner Bros. Rated R.

THE PLOT: A long time Congressman’s seat is up for grabs when an unlikely challenger runs against him in the upcoming election.

THE SKINNY:
– It seems like every election year, several comedies are released about the electoral process in America. The trouble with these movies is that nothing can actually trump the ridiculousness and humor of the actual election.
– It’s not easy to develop an affinity for either of the two lead characters. While Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis are funny men and their characters do funny things, there isn’t a whole lot of audience love invested in either man’s plight.
+ Ferrell is one of the funnier men working in Hollywood today. Adopting a slightly more corporate brogue than Ricky Bobby in Talledega Nights, Ferrell plays the role of career politician Cam Brady with delightful aplomb.
+ Certainly better than the election comedy, Swing Vote.
– Substantially worse than the election drama, Waking the Dead.

YES, IT’S TRUE: Zach Galifianakis’ uncle was a former North Carolina Congressman.  He lost the 1972 election to Jesse Helms.

A Christmas Story 2

THE PLAYERS: Starring Daniel Stern, Braeden Lemasters, and Stacey Travis; written by  Nat Mauldin; directed by Brian Levant. Released by Warner Bros. Rated PG.

THE PLOT: After wrecking his new car, Ralphie, now a teenager, gets a job to pay for the damage.

THE SKINNY:
– The fact that Warner Brothers made a sequel to A Christmas Story and did so nearly 30 years after the original is almost like a bad joke in a movie about the crassness of Hollywood and the commercialization of Christmas.
– I don’t know… Just, you know…
– Now Ralphie wants a car. I’m surprised that Ralphie doesn’t want to stop being called Ralphie.
– Not only are there a lot of pratfalls throughout the movie, but there are occasionally Three Stooges like sound effects to match. You stay classy!
– Sigh.

YES, IT’S TRUE: A Christmas Story was the inspiration for Carol Black and Neal Marlens to create The Wonder Years.

Ruby Sparks

THE PLAYERS: Starring Paul Dano, Zoe Kazan, and Annette Benning; written by Zoe Kazan; directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris. Released by Fox Searchlight.  Rated R.

THE PLOT: A novelist’s dream girl comes to life after her writes her character into his next book.

THE SKINNY:
+ Weird Science for the new millennium. And hipsters. With just a dash of Stranger than Fiction.
+ I like Paul Dano. He is an immensely talented young actor who, like Mark Ruffalo and Sam Rockwell in the previous generation, isn’t taking on any roles unless they are good. As such, Dano hasn’t headlined any big budget summer blockbusters (though he did have a major co-starring role in There Will Be Blood).
+ This film has a fantastic supporting cast including Annette Bening, Antonio Banderas, Steve Coogan, Elliot Gould, Alia Shawkat (Maebe Funke) and Aasif Mandvi.
+ In a change of pace, the female lead, Zoe Kazan, also wrote the screenplay for Ruby Sparks. You can accuse her of many things, but not understanding what her character is doing/thinking is not one of them.
– I despise Hollywood’s portrayal of writers. Particularly fiction writers. When they get writer’s block—which, if you base your knowledge upon films, happens at least twice a week—their world comes to a standstill and they need to figure things out. In real life, you just write through your writer’s block and call it a day. Why is it that all these writers never seem to have jobs where they need to finish things by a certain deadline?
– This is a very new twist on the manic-pixie dream girl; instead of finding her, this lead created her. Imagine the self-esteem issues that would have to be present to create a manic-pixie dream girl and then not know how to relate to her! Oh, the humanity!

YES, IT’S TRUE: The largest ruby in the world weighs over 18lbs.

Safety not Guaranteed

THE PLAYERS:  Starring Aubrey Plaza, Jake Johnson, and Karan Soni; written by Derek Connolly; directed Colin Trevorrow.  Released by Film District.  Rated R.

THE PLOT:  A magazine writer and two interns pursue a story about a man seeking a companion to travel through time with him.

THE SKINNY:
– The last low-budget indie I saw involving time travel was Primer. And about six minutes into that, I wished I had a time machine so I could go back in time and kill myself so that I wouldn’t have had to see the first six minutes of Primer.
+ 2012’s little indie that could.
+/- The Duplass brothers (Mark and Jay) are new indie stalwarts. They are best known for their directing, but they also dabble in acting, as Mark Duplass does here. Much like the TV show Louie, the praise for the Duplass brothers is so fierce, strong and frequent that it’s hard not to occasionally get disgusted by it.
– It doesn’t happen often, but every two years or so, filmmakers take their cameras into a world with which I am acutely familiar. In the case of Safety Not Guaranteed, this world is the world of a smaller magazine office. Writers not only go traveling on the company dime to see if there’s a story, but get to bring interns with them? This is a spec story kind of thing, not an assignment.
+ This is exactly the type of film that deserves more recognition by the general public. It is smart, crisply written, well made and all about people meeting other people and learning things about themselves as they do so.

YES, IT’S TRUE: Stephen Hawking suggests that the absence of tourists from the future is an argument against time travel.

The New Releases were written by Chris Neumer and Kevin Withers