The Week of May 20, 2008 Summer of Discontent Is there any positive word-of-mouth about any of the upcoming 2008 summer blockbusters? by Chris Neumer Billy Bob Thornton once brought up a very interesting topic in conversation; he wondered why it was that people today seem to want to NOT like things. It’s a curious phenomenon to be sure. I’ve said many times that I wish I could like everything. Think about how much better life would be if you could somehow derive a sense of enjoyment from watching movies involving Ashton Kutcher, Eric Roberts and Courtney Cox. I fantasize about a scenario like that at least once a week… generally as I’m trying to power through a scene involving Nicolas Cage biting his fist in disgust. Never has this concept been more obvious than in the beginning of the summer movie season this year. You name a big movie that is slated to come out this summer and I’ll give you at least one major, negative news story involving said movie. Even when the movie is getting great word-of-mouth, test audiences are consistently rating the project as above average and fanboys are primed to see the film (as was the case with Iron Man), the mainstream media still is trotting out negative stories; in the case of Iron Man, those stories were complete garbage about how the film’s release date was too close to the release of the video game Grand Theft Auto IV and Iron Man’s opening weekend take would suffer as a result of it. ALSO IN THIS COLUMN • Getting inside the strange casting of Oliver Stone's W. • The quotes of Strange Wilderness • Why Seinfeld is released to DVD by Sony • Inside the new releases that matter • The most stupid news story in ages. • Who wants to see Midnight Meat Train? • The Five Things I Learned This Week • Behind-the-scenes of Stumped's interview with Indiana Jones co-writer Jeff Nathanson LAST WEEK'S COLUMN Frankly, it’s kind of bizarre that I haven’t seen many, if any, positive stories about upcoming releases before they open. Has American culture become so jaded and filled with schadenfreude that we can’t find anything positive to say about the new Indiana Jones and Chronicles of Narnia movies and the long awaited big screen adaptation of Sex and the City? Here is the inside scoop on the (supposed) tumult inside Hollywood’s releases through mid-June: Iron Man The Negative: It’s hard to find a pre-release story about Iron Man that doesn’t deal with how Grand Theft Auto IV’s release would impact the film’s opening box office. CNN reported that Iron Man may open with as little as $50 million it’s first weekend. They were wrong… by more than $50 million. Iron Man actually did better than $50 million its second weekend in theaters. Speed Racer The Negative: The movie tracks poorly, comes out, flops and flops hard. Budget and marketing combine to an estimated total of $250-$300 million. Speed Racer grosses $18 million its first weekend… and the people at Warner Brothers seem to have done some purposefully bad accounting so that the first news stories of the week will report Speed Racer as the second highest grossing movie of the weekend, not as the actual third place finisher, which it is, that comes in behind even the Ashton Kutcher comedy, What Happens in Vegas. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian The Negative: Families should stay away from this sequel because of how violent it is. Is there any blood anywhere? No. Does Prince Caspian have a PG rating? Yes. Do either of these facts stop people from talking about how violent it is? No. Prince Caspian also had to suffer through a number of stories about how the success of faith-based films is starting to wane. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull The Negative: Now, to be fair, almost the entirety of pre-release negativity associated with this film is coming from George Lucas, Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg themselves, but the point remains true. Look for a news story involving The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and you’ll read quotes about how it’s just another movie, it’s nothing special and that, should you rewatch the earlier films, you’ll be surprised how poor they were. And that's just Lucas talking! And, if you're wondering why this was the order of the day, it was a new marketing strategy designed to lower expectations. You can read more on that affair here. Sex and the City The Negative: Where to begin? I did a fair amount of search involving this title and, rest assured, the gloves are off in this battle between the media and the ladies of Sex and the City. I suspect part of this might have to do with the gossipy nature of some of the stories, but I also suspect that the ability to use snarky, female-centric headlines involving words like 'catfight' plays a part in this. For starters, there's the whole Kim Cattrall/Sarah Jessica Parker rift. Then there's the fact that this quintessential New York story premiered in London. Then there's the fact that the cast is, uh, really, really old. And, finally, there's the whole issue of whether any straight man will ever go see Sex and the City. Even when writing a seemingly neutral article about the backstory of the characters in Sex and the City, the headline screams ““Sex and the City” girls flabby on big screen”. The Incredible Hulk The Negative: Nothing to see here... Just that the film's lead, Edward Norton, has decided not to do press for the movie because he feels that the film's production company, Marvel Comics, is not living up to a promise it made to him when he signed on. Nothing to see here... The Love Guru The Negative: Compared to the stories out there about The Incredible Hulk and Sex and the City, The Love Guru's tale of alleged religious insensitivity is a welcome breath of fresh air. "Wait, that's it?" I thought. "A billion Hindus thinking they're the butt of a feature length joke? You can't poke fun at Sarah Jessica Parker with this 'scandal'." Of all the movies on this list, The Love Guru's problems are some of the smallest. Why? Because the angry Hindus made their complaints before the movie was even finished, before they'd ever seen the movie.    The Question of the Week THE QUESTION: I’ve never understood this. Seinfeld was originally broadcast on NBC, which is owned by Universal. Why is it released to DVD by Sony? How does this work? Lou I. (via e-mail) THE ANSWER: The question is even more quizzical than it initially appears because after some cursory digging, I realized that not only was Seinfeld broadcast on the Universal owned NBC, but it was produced by Castle Rock Entertainment, a company that is owned by Warner Brothers and it was shot at the Viacom (read: Paramount) owned CBS studios. Yup, it’s true, NBC’s biggest television hit ever was filmed on its rival’s lot. Attempting to understand why certain television shows are released to DVD by different studios is a headache inducing exercise to be sure, but it all has to do with who owns the distribution rights to a given show. Sometimes, everything seems to work out okay: Fox Television’s critically acclaimed series’ Arrested Development, The Family Guy and The Simpsons are all released to DVD by Fox. Fox also releases its F/X subsidiary’s The Shield and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Things start to get a little confusing though when you realize that shows that are broadcast on Fox and F/X (like Rescue Me, for example) end up released on DVD by other studios (like Sony, for example). To best figure out how this DVD releasing system works for television shows–and specifically for Seinfeld–one needs to ask more pointed question: why does Sony own the distribution rights to Seinfeld? The answer to that, while slightly confusing, explains all. First some history. When Rob Reiner, Alan Horn, Martin Shafer and two other partners formed Castle Rock Entertainment in 1987, they did so with Columbia Pictures as a "strategic partner". Though the exact definition of what strategic partner means is up for interpretation, my best guess is that Columbia ponied up some start-up cash in return for a first look distribution deal with Castle Rock and a percentage of their profits. In 1989, Castle Rock decided to take a stab at television production and wound up producing an esoteric sit-com about nothing called Seinfeld. As far as I can tell, Seinfeld was Castle Rock’s only successful entry into the world of television production. After Seinfeld, Castle Rock only produced a handful of truly dreadful shows including The Single Guy, The Michael Richards Show, something called Bliss (?) and Reunited (?). Castle Rock Entertainment and Castle Rock Television were then bought out by Time-Warner in 1994, a transaction that gave Warner Brothers Television the actual rights to the Seinfeld show. However, thanks to a distribution and syndication deal that Castle Rock had signed with Columbia-Tristar prior to the Time-Warner sale, Columbia-Tristar owned the home video and syndication rights to the show. When Sony purchased Columbia-Tristar, these distribution and syndication rights transferred over to Sony, hence the fact they are releasing the show onto DVD. If it seems a little confusing, it’s because it is. So confusing, in fact, that not even the studios themselves are exactly sure what’s going on. In an article in TVWeek, representatives for both Warner Brothers and Sony said that the responsibility for enforcing the copyright for Seinfeld fell into the lap of the other company. Ask Chris Neumer a question	Quotes "Monkeys make up over 80% of the world's monkey population." - Steve Zahn delivers voiceover for the world's worst nature show in Strange Wilderness.   New This Week Bra Boys THE PLOT:First time director Sunny Abberton showcases the Bra Boys, Australia's notoriously hardcore underground surfers. Russell Crowe narrates. Think an Australian version of Dogtown and Z-Boys. THE SKINNY: -All objectivity flies out the window. If you're wondering why the Bra Boys are so often referenced as being studly surf gods, it could be because director Sunny Abberton is one of the Bra Boys. - The Hottie and the Nottie was only in theaters for 3 days. - IMDb.com users have voted this movie the 4th worst movie of all time. YES, IT'S TRUE: They're called the "Bra Boys" because the surf at Maroubra Beach. Che THE PLOT: A new documentary about the ambitious revolutionary Che Guevara. Contains a slew on visual evidence focusing on Guevera's relentless pursuit of change in the Third World. THE SKINNY: - This movie is only an hour long. + A lot of new footage of Guevera has been dusted off for this doc... - ... which will give urban hipsters even more ammunition to sing the man's praises. YES, IT'S TRUE: Che Guevera's real first name was Ernesto. National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets THE PLOT:Nicolas Cage reprises his role as Ben Gates, a man with an innate ability to uncover the world's biggest secrets. Here he comes across new information regarding the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. THE SKINNY: - Nicolas Cage's haircut in this movie rivals Tom Hanks' do in The DaVinci Code in terms of ridiculousness. - Cage has made one, count it, one critically acclaimed movie (Adaptation) since 1997. + The movie is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. - Did we mention how bad Cage's haircut is? YES, IT'S TRUE: Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Strange Wilderness THE PLOT: Steve Zahn headlines a cast of misfits whose nature show faces cancellation in the face of falling ratings. To avert this fate, the gang concocts a big plan to find and film Bigfoot. Essentially a road trip movie from L.A. to the jungles of Mexico. THE SKINNY: + Like it or not, the film is funny. - Zahn's character once—accidentally, we might add—gets his penis caught in a turkey's mouth. + In between bits of genuine stupidity, there is some absolutely fantastic material... like when the stoner played by Justin Long has eye balls tattooed on the back of his eyelids... and when a toothless and bloody Zahn attempts to hit on an attractive woman. - Roughly 30 months passed between the time this movie was filmed and when it was released to theaters. YES, IT'S TRUE: Cryptozoology is the study of animals that are thought to be extinct or that haven't been proven to actually, you know, exist. Who's Your Monkey THE PLOT: This involves an unemployed doctor who sells meth, a drug dealer who produces bestiality and four childhood friends with a batch of ninja stars that symbolize the future. You figure it out. THE SKINNY: - Read the above plot synopsis - Director Todd Breau has seven additional credits on his resume, 3 as production manager, 1 as director, 1 as producer, 1 as writer and 1 as special thanks... in projects that we hadn't ever heard of. - This film has more than one name; it is also known as Throwing Stars. - Wayne Knight (Newman from Seinfeld) has a cameo. YES, IT'S TRUE: The most noticeable difference between monkeys and apes is that monkeys have tails, apes do not. Information in "New This Week" is compiled by Chris DeSalvo and Zach Freeman.
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