Top Gun Running Commentary

A plane, co-star of Top Gun, in Tony Scott's Top Gun.

:37  Kelly McGillis, where have you gone?  I’m looking at her filmography and since Top Gun, I have heard of only three movies that McGillis has appeared in; The Accused, The Babe and North.  I’m not sure how more hasn’t […]

by Chris Neumer

:37  Kelly McGillis, where have you gone?  I’m looking at her filmography and since Top Gun, I have heard of only three movies that McGillis has appeared in; The Accused, The Babe and North.  I’m not sure how more hasn’t been written of this.  Sean Young has done better.

1:30  I constantly forget that both Tim Robbins and Meg Ryan are in Top Gun.  If you phrase it correctly, this is one hell of a trivia question: What eighties movie grossed $175 million dollars and starred Tim Robbins, Val Kilmer and Meg Ryan?  You’re winning some money with that one.

2:45  Top Gun has a very memorable theme courtesy of Harold Faltenmeyer.  Strangely, just as it is building to its crescendo, it gets cut off in favor of Kenny Loggins.  Kenny Loggins!  Loggins has been so decidedly uncool and horribly unhip since I became aware of pop culture in 1990 that it’s hard to fathom how the producers decided to pitch him as the artist they wanted attached to the biggest movie of summer.

4:00  The title card reads: Indian Ocean.  Present Day.  This is always a nice touch for movies that are 25 years old.  It means that it could have happened yesterday.

5:33  Top Gun was made in 1986.  I mention this because at that time, we (apparently) had enemies with airplanes and pilots with skill levels similar to our own.  Not only that, but the Armed Forces actually spent time worrying about these enemy Air Forces.  It’s kind of quaint to think that there are countries in the Middle East with well made planes…  planes that aren’t old models of ours that we sold to them and then trained them on.

11:08  Extremely low on fuel—so low Merlin (Robbins) has already tapped the F16’s fuel gauge with his finger—Maverick (Tom Cruise) eschues landing to go back up and help his fellow pilot, Cougar (John Stockwell).  This doesn’t seem like the wisest maneouver.

12:48  The opening sequence finally ends.  Interestingly, the first twelve minutes are a microcosm of the movie as a whole: there’s a lot of cool aerial photography, Maverick plays by his own rules and ultimately nothing really happens.

13:41  Maverick’s RIO (Radar Intercept Officer), Goose (Anthony Edwards), is a good eight inches taller than he is.  Possibly ten inches.  Situations like these are how I first started wondering about casting for height.

15:35  More Kenny Loggins!  (And I’d argue that riding a motorcycle on a live runway might qualify as something of a danger zone).

17:20  Maverick’s nemesis in Top Gun is Iceman (Val Kilmer).  There is no reason for their rivalry other than the fact that Iceman is the early pick for best pilot at the Top Gun Academy.  That’s how Maverick roles.  His rivals are always the people he feels are better than he is.  But this thought isn’t about Maverick’s Napoleon complex, it’s about Kilmer’s hair.  His hairdo in Top Gun is almost beyond description.  It is most certainly one of the greatest haircuts of the eighties.

Kilmer’s hair is blow-dried, but he also uses mousse*.  It’s spiked but also combed.  It’s part crew cut, but also fairly long in places.  It looks a natural color from the back, but bleached from the front.  I’m pretty sure Guile’s haircut in StreetFighter was lifted from Kilmer’s in Top Gun… only Guile’s didn’t go far enough.

* It is sometimes gelled too.

20:31  One of the most annoying parts of Top Gun is Maverick’s insistence on being an idiot.  Check that: a colossal douchebag.  I think Maverick is the Jeremy Shockey/Jeff Kent of the Navy.  For some reason, Maverick and Iceman are standing no more than six inches from one another talking.  I’d understand if this were for framing reasons, but it’s not.

21:58  You know how a lot of actors fancy themselves musicians and make news for also releasing CDs?  Think Bruce Willis, Scarlett Johannson, Robert Downey Jr., Meryl Streep, Minnie Driver, Lindsay Lohan and Hayden Panniettiere?  Tom Cruise is not one of those actors.  He has just burst into song in an attempt to woo the (supposedly) lovely Charlie (Kelly McGillis) and sounds horrible.  It brings to mind that wonderful Simpsons quote, “I’d rather listen to gophers caught in a lawn mower.”

23:19  Does being a flyboy make you instantly cool?  The answer is no.  The complete tool that walks into the bar with Charlie?  That’s the real-life Pete “Maverick” Mitchell in his cameo.

24:44  After being rebuffed by Charlie at the bar, Maverick decides to implement plan B: he follows her into the women’s bathroom in order to keep talking to her.  I’ve seen a lot of unrealistic cinematic pick-up attempts, but this takes the cake.

Let’s step into Charlie’s shoes for a minute.  You’ve just turned down a really cocky, 5’6” guy at the bar and have walked away from him to the sanctuary of the ladies room.  You don’t even need to pee, you just go into the bathroom to wash your hands and take a deep breath.  You turn your head around and there’s the short guy from the bar.  He’s actually walked into the ladies bathroom and starts chatting you up again.

I won’t address the fact that the screenwriters have made this approach actually work and that Charlie’s reaction to the above scenario is one of pleasant bemusement.

27:12  “I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.”  Never has a line weathered the test of time worse than this one.

30:00  I can’t be the only one wondering what the gas costs are on these Top Gun training exercises, can I?

32:43  Faltenmeyer’s theme finally rears it’s synthesized head.

33:15  In the first 30 minutes of Top Gun, Maverick has buzzed the control tower, talked back to instructors, disobeyed direct orders, flight plans and the rules of engagement, left his wingman after being begged not to and looks at commands as suggestions.  I’m not sure how he hasn’t been drummed out of the service yet.

34:20  Iceman (Ice for short) is supposed to be the villain/bad guy in Top Gun.  He’s supposed to be the guy the audience is rooting for Maverick to beat.  The problem with this is that Ice seems like a much better pilot than Maverick and far less of a douchebag.  In this scene, Ice dresses down Maverick by stating, “Every time you go up in the air, you’re unsafe.  You’re dangerous.”  This sentiment is absolutely, 100% true.  I’m starting to wonder if there’s a market out there for a movie about Iceman.

35:01  Taken out of context, the control tower manager’s statement that “I want some butts,” could be a little curious.

38:00 How bad of a first day did Maverick and Goose have?  At the end of it, Goose mentions to Maverick that he’s worried about not graduating.

38:45  Goose’s mustache almost rivals Kilmer’s hair.  Almost.

40:45  Maverick and Slider are now talking to each other with their faces about two inches from one another.

41:15  One of the truly iconic scenes in Top Gun is the one where the pilots play volleyball.  Check that, the shirtless pilots play volleyball.  Cruise is wearing jeans and dogtags.  To play beach volleyball.  The production team also managed to find a volleyball net that was short enough to allow Cruise to jump and spike the ball.  That or Cruise has a 72” vertical.  For some reason, in the eighties, everyone taped their wrists before playing volleyball too.

42:00  More Kenny Loggins!

42:33  After sweating profusely while playing volleyball, Maverick realizes that he’s running later for the dinner date that he begged Charlie to give him.  He pops on his shirt AND his faux-fur lined bomber jacket and heads over to her house.  The best part of this is that the only thing that Charlie mentioned to Maverick beforehand was not to be late.

43:51  When he finally arrives at Charlie’s place, Mavericks announces that he’s going to take a quick shower while Charlie finishes cooking dinner for him.  Not only am I rooting for Iceman to beat Maverick, but I’m also rooting for Charlie to wake up and realize what an asshole Maverick is.

46:01  Instead she starts falling for him as he opens up to her.

47:15  “This is going to be complicated,” Charlie tells Maverick about their impending relationship.  It’s going to be complicated because it’s against the rules for instructors to date the Top Gun students.  But there’s nothing that can be done about that.

48:16  McGillis should not wear an all black baseball hat with her hair as she does for the duration of the elevator scene.  (Granted, this occurred because the scene was a pick-up and McGillis had dyed her hair for her next role, but it is not a good look).

49:10  For the third time, the theme to “Take My Breath Away” starts playing.  Not the song, mind you, the theme of the song.

49:41  The longest elevator ride in history ends.

50:29  Meg Ryan appears and has bleached hair.  This is weird because she’s a blonde to begin with.

50:51  McGillis also should not wear oversized glasses with clear frames either.

51:54  The classroom at the Top Gun Academy does not have air-conditioning and sweat is literally dripping off the faces of Goose, Maverick and the other pilots.  I’d figure a military base in southern California might have air-conditioning in its buildings, but that’s just me.

52:14  The theme to “Take My Breath Away” starts playing for a fourth time.

52:48  At this point, Maverick is a bigger asshole than Chaz in Back to School.  Charlie (Maverick’s instructor, mind you) is trying to talk to him and he is revving his motorcycle engine.  Then he drives away.  Because of some horrible childhood trauma that she hasn’t yet worked through, Charlie decides it would be a good idea to hop in her car and chase after him.  She rationalizes that this is so she can “finish my sentence”.

True to form, Maverick’s first reaction to this is to demand to know what the hell is wrong with Charlie for having the temerity to be chasing him.

54:04  The fifth time is the charm.  The actual song “Take My Breath Away” starts playing.

54:05  For the same reason that McGillis’ hair was up under a hat in the elevator, the love scene between Charlie and Maverick is shot in blue/white.  It was a pick-up and her hair was a different color.  I want you to try to imagine this movie without the love scene (which is awkward in its own way now that I know about the McGillis lesbian rumors) and the elevator scene.  Yikes.

55:03  After finally sleeping with the girl he’s been chasing for, uh, 55:03, Maverick leaves in the middle of the night without saying goodbye.  Charlie is naturally fine with this.

57:26  More Kenny Loggins!

57:27  I just don’t get this.  There is a fine line between being an instinctively great pilot without a great comprehension of the fundamentals of flying and being a liability.  It’s not like Maverick is hovering somewhere between these two categories though; he’s a complete and total liability.  In this scene, he ignores orders, the exercise at hand and his team members’ pleading in order to fly after Viper (Tom Skerritt), the flight school instructor.  To no one’s surprise, Maverick and the other members of his team are then summarily ‘shot down’.

59:52  “Hey, Tom, Val, guys, it’s me, Tony Scott, the film’s director.  Okay, here’s what I’m thinking for this locker room scene: we’re going to spray you guys down with fake sweat, have a lot of steam in the air and we’re going to have you guys wearing either whitey-tighties or towels and just hanging around the showers.  Because this is what guys do.  We’re not going to have you guys actually in the shower though because that would be a little gay.”

1:00:02  Iceman tells Maverick that he’s worried about flying with him.  Even though the producers obviously want me to take Maverick’s side, I can’t help it.  Ice is the one speaking the truth.

1:02:41  Meg Ryan took a lot of acting lessons between the release of this film and the present.

1:03:53  Jesus Christ, more Kenny Loggins!  How the hell many times am I going to be subjected to “Danger Zone” in this movie?

1:05:04  Interestingly, Iceman’s defining characteristic is his hair… which is rendered completely null and void when he’s flying because it’s hidden under his helmet.

1:07:23  After flying through Iceman’s jet wash, Maverick’s plane enters a tailspin.  He and Goose are trying to get out when Maverick announces, “I can’t reach the ejection handle!”  I know what you’re thinking, this is a horrible time for the screenwriters to include a height joke.

1:07:52  I’ve never quite understood Goose’s death.  The first time I saw Top Gun, I didn’t even realize that Goose was dead because of how the scene was shot.  I mean, he’s wearing a helmet and hits his head against the cockpit glass.  For once, I find myself asking, “Couldn’t they have planted a seed earlier on so that I understood how much force the ejection seat has?”

The true irony of Goose’s death (or cruel joke on the viewer, depending on your perspective) is that it is not caused by anything that Maverick did.  Of all the ridiculously questionable moves that Maverick has made over the course of the movie, the one time someone dies, he has nothing to do with it…

1:09:33 …though that doesn’t stop him from thinking it’s all his fault.

1:09:35  “Hey Toms?  It’s me, Tony Scott, the film’s director again.  Okay, here’s what I’m thinking for this second locker room scene: we’re going to have Cruise standing over by the sink wearing only some really form-fitting, whitey-tighties.  Skerritt?  You’re going to walk in then and you’re both going to talk to each other like you guys are both fully dressed.  We’re not going to have Cruise putting lotion on himself because that would be a little gay.”

1:12:55  I’m going to hell.  Cruise is trying to cry while leaning against a door and I’m laughing.

1:12:56  It just dawns on me while I’m laughing that Maverick was in Goose’s house and was going to leave without saying anything to Goose’s wife (Ryan).  As an aside, I still don’t understand how she has such dark roots.

1:14:09  The courtroom doesn’t have air-conditioning either.

1:16:10  The black guy’s nickname is Sun Down.  Maverick is presently yelling at him about a half inch from his face.

1:17:00 Kilmer has added a part to his hairdo.  Not only that, but he just called Maverick “Mitchell”.

1:17:44  And I’m quickly reminded that this movie was shot in 1986.  Not only are there pay phones, but the pay phones have rotary dials.

1:18:44  The airport bar doesn’t have air-conditioning either.  Maverick is sipping ice water and sweating up a storm.

1:18:46  Maverick has not only quit the Top Gun program, but he’s also leaving town without saying good-bye to Charlie or Goose’s wife or any of his classmates.  I’d rather have my daughter date a frat boy from Notre Dame who uses the word ‘hella’ in every other sentence than Maverick.

1:19:34  In explaining to Charlie why he quit, Maverick shakes his head and announces that “You don’t understand.”  No, I don’t understand.  How can you be this good, this cocky and this much of a quitter?

1:20:50  Charlie calls Maverick “Pete Mitchell”.

1:21:38  Viper’s house doesn’t have air-conditioning either.  It’s amazing to me that Maverick keeps wearing his faux-fur lined bomber jacket while sweating his ass off in places that don’t have air-conditioning.

1:22:32  No one has ever looked more awkward while putting on a baseball hat than Tom Skerritt.  Even McGillis has this one him… which is truly saying something.

1:23:32  Maverick has a patch on the back of his jacket that reads “Far East Cruise”.  During the course of his conversation with Viper, it also becomes apparent that the Top Gun Academy holds their graduation ceremony on a Monday during the middle of the day.

1:25:22  The graduation also takes place around a swimming pool.

1:27:25  In spite of showing up late to the Top Gun graduation, Maverick is sent back to the aircraft carrier in the Indian Ocean where the movie opened.  His classmates are there too.  Here’s where things get interesting.  Less than 24 hours after graduating, the pilots have managed to get from San Diego to a carrier thousands of miles away AND are rested enough (and not jet-lagged) to fly a very serious mission.

1:27:36  There’s no air-conditioning on the carrier either.

1:31:10  For some reason, though Maverick and friends are engaged in an aerial battle with enemy Migs, the producers didn’t want to give the bad guys a home country.  I mean, in the midst of the Cold War, would it have been that problematic to just have mentioned that the bad guys were communist or Soviets?  The only marking on the planes worth noting is a red star that appears on the stick, the console and the pilots uniforms.

Given the fact that the action takes place in middle of the Indian Ocean, it seems like quite a stretch though to suggest that the enemies are Russian, given how far Russia is from the Indian Ocean.  It’s been suggested that the bad guys are Soviet sponsored Iranians or Pakistanis, but that doesn’t explain the white guys behind the tinted visors.

Not only that, I will repeat that it’s quaint to think that there may have been countries in the world in 1986 that had a comparable military to our own.  Awww….

1:35:04  I’m not the only one wondering if there was a Soviet version of Top Gun made, am I?

1:40:09  After landing, Iceman and his RIO, Slider, actually shake hands.  Iceman saves his hugging for Maverick.

1:40:45  Tim Robbins is standing right next to Cruise.  This is substantially worse than when Anthony Edwards was standing next to Cruise.  You should never cast a 6’6” guy next to a 5’6” guy.*

* It was often joked about on set that only Cruise was short enough to meet the actual height requirements for the Top Gun program.  Suffice it to say, fighter piloting is the reverse NBA.  You can grow your way right out of it.

1:42:00  The bald commanding officer is no help.  The day after the climactic dogfight, he announces that “the other side” denies the incident took place.  Touche.

1:42:19  The C.O. also mention to Maverick that because of his performance the day before he will have his choice of duty and will be stationed wherever he wants to be.  Maverick announces that he’d like to be an instructor at the Top Gun Academy.

If you’re doing the math—and I am, even if you’re not—less than 48 hours after barely graduating from Top Gun**, Maverick is now an instructor there.  Apply this to any other type of graduation and the results will amaze you.  48 hours after Chris Neumer graduated from high school, he was appointed as a teacher there.  Yup. That’s the way life works.

** And may I point out that we’re still not sure if Maverick graduated, as he did show up late.

1:43:28  As far as I can tell, Maverick has worn three outfits in the movie: his flight suit, his white Navy uniform and a white T-shirt with jeans and his bomber jacket.

1:44:25  There’s no air-conditioning in the military bar either.

1:44:30  Somehow Anthony Edwards’ agent managed to get Edwards’ name first in the video cast listing.  The screen fades to black and boom, there’s Edwards’ mug.  Cruise is dead last in this one.

1:45:38  The real pilots who worked on the movie have some pretty boring nicknames: Loner, Curly, Silver, Too Cool, Horse, Player, Circus, Sunshine, Flex, Tex, Rat and Jaws.  The most interesting nickname is Rabbi.  Hmmmm… I wonder how that pilot got that nickname?

Great trailer of the lovestory between Mav and Ice.